Time

Hi Anneke,
Somewhere I have a draft that I started and never posted, I'll try to find it tomorrow.
Very sorry about the car...  lots of damage?
TIME is what every first-year teacher lacks. In the short run, the only solution is to settle for doing less and getting more sleep and time for yourself. There is NO evidence that students suffer at the hand of a first-year teacher, and you can often do a better job when you are rested than when you are prepared but exhausted.
I guess I'm saying "ask yourself which corners you can cut with the least damage to what you are trying to do."
I know what high standards you have for yourself, especially after your Masters. It's WAY too early to decide what you think about the profession.
Please don't burn yourself out before you give yourself a real chance!!
Tom

Time

Today feels less like a mending day. It feels more like a large-vehicle-just-drove-into-our-passenger-door-while-we-were-driving kind of day. Perhaps because one did this afternoon. Fortunately, Janet is an amazing defensive driver and responded fast, avoiding any injuries.

Opening a friendly email from a parent asking about her daughter really shouldn't have opened up my frustration this afternoon. But it did - because her daughter is awesome, and I want so much to help her more with her math... and I just don't know where to find the time to do that. Today, I'm feeling frustrated with teaching. Working an 80 - 100 hour week gets me almost enough time to plan and teach okay lessons, while still falling behind on marking and letting the list of parents to phone grow longer than it should. To actually do my job, I ought to be working 120 - 140 hour weeks, but to be honest, I'm kinda tired.

Our wonderful custodian always pops his head in my classroom as he leaves at 11pm to encourage me to go home. I really appreciate his caring concern, and the encouragements of parents and others. But I'm frustrated because, while everyone encourages me to work less, there actually isn't a lot that I can cut while still doing my job. Many people offer all kinds of advice in genuine caring attempts to help, but I think the magic solution - the one that makes it possible to both be a good teacher and still get 7 hours of sleep each night - is more evasive than those on the outside looking in often believe.

And so, I'm really not sure what to think about teaching as a profession so far. I love it when I have the time to do a good job. It's so exciting to help students grow and develop into leaders who will make a positive difference in their world. But it's not terribly rewarding to see myself constantly fall short of where I want to be as a teacher - and falling short not because I'm not doing my best, and not because I'm not receiving enough support, advice, and encouragement - I have all of those things. But simply because I need more time.

Mending

Teaching, it seems, is a medical profession. Today is a day for writing/reflecting because we're currently out of emerge and into the recovery and rehabilitation wing of the hospital. But the ambulance is parking and running; who knows what Monday will bring.

I was really excited about our first lab report in Grade 12 Biology. The lab was fun - we tested various foods for the presence of lipids, proteins, starches, and sugars, and figured out the identity of a mystery food. We went through a checklist for what a formal lab report should look like, did a short activity to go over what a lab report should include, and since they are a strong class, I assumed they would be fine to write the labs on their own.

So when the reports were in on Monday, I discovered I'd really missed the mark in giving them adequate direction. While there were a few labs that met most of the requirements on the checklist, many labs were incomplete. Two were partially plagiarized. One contained three points for a procedure, handwritten on a sheet of paper, and nothing else. I couldn't in good conscience mark the labs and return them. We needed to rewind, take some time to learn how to write a lab report, and re-submit.  So I asked them to meet with me individually, do peer editing in class, and then re-submit the labs on Tuesday. We would take this tough situation and turn it into a great learning opportunity! The route from the recovery room to hospital discharge was sparkling on the horizon.

The next day, our principal (who is very supportive) was at my door right before the start of class, letting me know that two students came to his office to tell him that my teaching was unfair and too hard. In my sleepy mind-set, after staying up until midnight getting that day's lessons ready, it was a devastating thing to hear for me. Back we went to emerge.

After a few conversations after school, I learned a bit more about the situation: revision has been synonymous with punishment for many of my students. It sounds like they understood our peer editing/resubmission plan to mean that I was punishing them, and were naturally upset.  Today, we're on the mend (for now). The students did a great job peer editing and marking each other's work using my rubric, and from our individual meetings, I think they are ready to create very good lab reports (version 2) now.

The bumps and falls are far from over though. We started our next project today - we're doing a joint project with the Grade 2 class that I'm pretty excited about. We're communicating our understanding of cellular processes to a non-scientific audience using storybook analogies, and we'll be reading buddies with the Grade 2 class to share our stories. The project has already been really helpful for me to see their learning process so far. Today, I talked with one student, who was originally planning to use a lego wall as an analogy to the cell membrane. It was such a surprise and helpful feedback for me to realize that a student successfully memorized the term "fluid semi-permeable membrane", but really didn't understand what that means yet.

But... (and there is always a but), the student who told the principal that our lab was unfairly hard also confronted me today because he felt a test would be a better assessment of his learning than the project. We talked about how I can assess knowledge and understanding on tests, but if I only used tests for assessment, it would be hard for me to accurately assess communication, thinking, and application. And it wouldn't be fair to students who struggle with tests, but can demonstrate their ability through other means.  It seemed a good answer to me, but to be honest, I don't think he bought it.  And I get that - his world is getting good grades for university applications, not balanced assessment practices.

Always mending.