Today feels less like a mending day. It feels more like a large-vehicle-just-drove-into-our-passenger-door-while-we-were-driving kind of day. Perhaps because one did this afternoon. Fortunately, Janet is an amazing defensive driver and responded fast, avoiding any injuries.
Opening a friendly email from a parent asking about her daughter really shouldn't have opened up my frustration this afternoon. But it did - because her daughter is awesome, and I want so much to help her more with her math... and I just don't know where to find the time to do that. Today, I'm feeling frustrated with teaching. Working an 80 - 100 hour week gets me almost enough time to plan and teach okay lessons, while still falling behind on marking and letting the list of parents to phone grow longer than it should. To actually do my job, I ought to be working 120 - 140 hour weeks, but to be honest, I'm kinda tired.
Our wonderful custodian always pops his head in my classroom as he leaves at 11pm to encourage me to go home. I really appreciate his caring concern, and the encouragements of parents and others. But I'm frustrated because, while everyone encourages me to work less, there actually isn't a lot that I can cut while still doing my job. Many people offer all kinds of advice in genuine caring attempts to help, but I think the magic solution - the one that makes it possible to both be a good teacher and still get 7 hours of sleep each night - is more evasive than those on the outside looking in often believe.
And so, I'm really not sure what to think about teaching as a profession so far. I love it when I have the time to do a good job. It's so exciting to help students grow and develop into leaders who will make a positive difference in their world. But it's not terribly rewarding to see myself constantly fall short of where I want to be as a teacher - and falling short not because I'm not doing my best, and not because I'm not receiving enough support, advice, and encouragement - I have all of those things. But simply because I need more time.
You basically have an impossible task. According to various studies, to develop one hour of teacher-lead instruction takes around 20 - 40 hours of research and development. Do the best you can for the students but take care of yourself as well. It might be small comfort now, but it will be easier next year to fine-tune a lesson than it is to create one from scratch this year. Love your students, try to survive, refresh yourself spiritually, emotionally, and physically, and tell those who love you to lift you up to the Lord in prayer regularly.
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