On Being Engaged
It started in the quietest and comfortablest way. We were just chatting during a little break from our bike ride, and then suddenly there was this question and this ring in a Droste box. It is the loveliest feeling - not butterflies or even excitement - just a real joy of the soul. A peaceful joy that sort of warms you from the inside out. It's the peace that you are loved, that you love, and that you'll keep on loving no matter what. And it sticks around; even as other teaching things have filled my brain this fall, the joy is simply there.
The excitement came soon after. We transformed the house into a call-centre, phoning everyone to share the great news. We were buzzing with excitement as we retold the story; even on the 50th phone call, it didn't feel the least bit old. Wonderful friends agreed to witness the day as bridesmaids, and the world's best brothers as groomsmen.
When my dear friend and housemate Janet agreed to be my maid of honour, she could never have prepared for the evenings of anguish to come as I would try yet another bridesmaid dress colour combination. "Each colour has so much meaning and unique beauty, Janet... how can I possibly choose just one set of colours? Look at this shade of sage, but then there is this stone blue which has hints of my favourite oil paint tube..." I have a guess that Jeremy's great friend and best man, Julian, currently holds a slightly less anguish-filled position.
After the flurry of phoning all of you, the planning started. If a couple is in need of extra practice in communication, I recommend wedding planning. As it turns out, an artist who obsesses over the nuance of composition and a grad student who knows too well the nuance of finances have slightly different preferences in wedding photography. After great deliberation and looking through the portfolios of probably every photographer between Ottawa and Toronto, we found a compromise by picking a great photographer (Tim) but limiting the expensive extras. It felt surprisingly good to discuss, disagree, and reach a solution together.
Next, life started. A friend of mine asked me, "so... how's the planning going?" And I responded, "Oh great! I'm loving my physics lesson plans this year, and advanced functions is such a great capstone course, and... ohhh - you mean wedding planning! Ya, we should do a bit more of that." It's not that I forget about Jeremy. Not even that I forget that about our upcoming marriage - I'm quite looking forward to that. It's just that I forget that we have to actually plan for this upcoming marriage.
None-the-less, the planning seems to roll along. We booked the most important catering company... my friend Jen, maker of delicious liquid nitrogen ice cream. Mom, Mrs. Gretton, and I went wedding dress shopping in Toronto, and - after more extensive deliberation - we found the loveliest dress. I've told Jeremy that I chose the paper bag with lace. I think he believes me. Somehow though, I'm not sure he'd be too concerned even if I did wear a paper bag with lace. I also tried on grandma Clara's sewing masterpiece - my mom's lovely wedding dress. It fit... almost too perfectly? Is it weird to be an exact replica of one's mom? I'm planning to wear mom's beautiful dress for the reception at the Woodstead.
But despite the extensive deliberation, these preparations for our wedding - a colour set, a photographer, a liquid nitrogen ice cream maker, a dress (paper bag or otherwise) - are not so essential to the preparations for marriage. And having not been married, we have a ton to learn. Pastor Steve got us started with a great book that has fostered many a good conversation. Pastor Chris helped us out with pre-marital counselling, which was a very affirming and encouraging experience. As we've been preparing, I've noticed that relationships have a remarkable way of refining us - sometimes as an uncomfortable mirror that shows us the parts of ourselves that we'd rather not see - but in a way that encourages growth, not judgement. It's this paradoxically beautiful thing about relationship - it changes us while loving us as we are; it pushes us forward while steadying us. It's messy of course, as the creation of any good artwork would be, but it's beautiful. And we are so very blessed with many loving friends and family who are there for us now, and I know will continue to support us as we start the next stage of this process together.
We have a few pastor friends, so the next question was who we should ask to actually marry us. Then we realized that our good friend Adam, who has been there for both of us since long before we started dating, was in his last year of seminary. Adam also happens to be friends with (and slightly shorter red-haired version of) our friend and campus pastor, Steve. Adam and Steve agreed to tag-team the ceremony, and we can't wait.
Being engaged is peaceful and exciting, full of laughter and full of conversations that help us grow, all underlaid with this remarkable joy of the soul. But when I think about being engaged tonight, a rather everyday moment comes to mind. About an hour ago, I was feeling so uplifted, as though I'd just had an encouraging and meaningful connection with a few friends in Columbus. Except that I'm not in Columbus right now. I was only sitting with my computer here, reading an email in which Jeremy mentioned his joy in spending time with these friends. And somehow, simply, it just became my joy too.
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